BellaSitting with the Cullens
by Elise Penn
Summary: When Bella gets hurt by having too much fun, Edward puts her on ultimate lockdown mode. The Cullens take turns bellasitting her! Extremely funny and worth reading. PLEASE REVIEW Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, it belongs to Stephanie Meyers.
1. Rule 1: NO DRESS UP

A very loud groan escaped from my lips. Edward could be so cruel sometimes. He had pretty much sentenced me to a full day of behaving and not getting hurt. You see, last night there was a bit of an accident. Edward was out hunting with Rosalie and Carlisle while he left me at home to entertain myself. He knows very well that I am dangerous while bored. So while he was gone I began watching Disney movies and at that same time, I was playing with scissors. I nearly cut my small finger off while dancing with them in my hand. But that's not the only reason I am forbidden to have fun. The other reasons are because on Thursday night, I electrocuted myself while pretending a hair dryer was a gun and I was a secret agent while it was still plugged in. Emmett accidentally spilled water on it. But that's still not all. Stupid Edward decided that because I went mattress surfing down the stairs at my house and because I flew forward and knocked over one vase and two pictures, he had the given right to hide my mattress which forced me to stay at the Cullens house.

I have been here since wonderful Wednesday night. Now Edward had decided that I was to be under constant supervision. Jasper was "Bella-sitting" from when I woke up until 3:00 pm. Alice had to watch me from 3:00pm-5:00pm and she loved every moment of it. From 5:00pm-7:00pm Carlisle was keeping an eye on me as Esme pitched in every now and then. Edward kept an eye on me from 7:00pm until the shifts started over again.

Emmett was of course kept far away from me—which sucked all the fun completely dry—and Rosalie was to entertain him. Right now I was waiting for Carlisle's shift to be over. Edward told me I needed to go one week without getting hurt. Each time that I messed up and injured myself in the slightest way I had to completely restart. Being on lockdown was highly depressing. So here I was sitting on the floor at the top of the Cullens stairs.

Suddenly an idea dawned on me. Although I hated dressing up, playing with dress-up clothes that were in Alice's room sounded like fun. After all, I was desperate. I dialed Edwards 'cell.

"Love I'm busy. You know you can't call me now." He said after he answered on the second ring.

"Edward, I hate this. I am going to shrivel up and die."

He chuckled on the other end. I only scowled.

"That's all you called to tell me?"

"No. I wanted to know if playing dress up was a 'dangerous threat' to me."

"Dress up is not allowed." He quickly answered.

"Edward Cullen!" I shouted into the phone. Carlisle looked up at me with a smirk.

"No Bella. Final answer." Edward spoke lightly.

"I want to know why not." I demanded.

"Your imagination will get out of hand." He told me.

"Carlisle is watching me," I said hoping he would bend, "please Edward?"

"I know Carlisle is watching you." He stated proudly.

I rolled my eyes. God men were stubborn!

"So please?"

"No."

"Are you doubting Carlisle's Bella-Sitting skills?" I asked as Carlisle raised an eyebrow and made a loud sigh.

"No of course not. I love you and I will see you in about an hour or so."

I was going to protest against everything he said but he hung up. Carlisle mumbled about how his "Bella-sitting skills" were perfectly fine.

"So what did he say Bella?" Carlisle asked from across the room.

"Oh be quiet. You could hear him." I said as I folded my arms.

Carlisle's phone suddenly rang and he picked it up.

"Carlisle?" he answered clearly confused as to who would possibly be calling him.

"Oh Edward, Yes. Yes…I understand. No she doesn't look to happy." He spoke into the receiver.

My eyes locked on Carlisle and the phone. Edward had called to tell Carlisle that I was not allowed to dress up in fancy clothes.

Within seconds I made a mad dash across the room and tackled Carlisle –or at least I tried. I flew across the desk and fell onto the floor as four thick textbooks fell onto me along with the lamp and a bunch of paperweights. The phone started to come crashing down next to me but Carlisle caught it in time. When I hit the ground I managed to slam my head and my entire body against the bookshelves behind Carlisle. More books fell and scattered across my body and the floor.

Esme came dashing into the room and erupted into a fit of laughter when she found me pouting with books lying around. Carlisle put Edward on speaker phone. _Shit_.

"Bella! What on earth just happened!?" he exclaimed as Carlisle began to clean up around me.

"Esme knocked me over…not my fault." I said trying to lie. Esme laughed again as she shook her head.

"Don't try to drag me into it. You tell him the truth." She said as she left the room.

Edward gave a low growl over the phone.

"Bella care to explain?" Edward asked.

"You were calling to tell Carlisle that dress up was not allowed so I made a mad dive for the Carlisle and the phone. Unfortunately, a bunch of other items came with me.

"Now thanks to that stunt I can't even call the house when you are in the room. Even that causes an injury or two!" he said.

"No cuts, scratches, breaks, or limbs missing." I argued.

"Bruises?" he asked.

Damn he had me there. A few purple-ish yellow ones were already forming on my arms and legs.

"But Edward! If some random person lightly gives me a hug I _still_ bruise!"

"Bella," he sighed, "No dress up and no more calling me either. If you have a question ask some and they can call me when you are not present.

I scowled and decided to give him ultimate-hell-Bella-style when it was his turn to "Bella-Sit"

"Whatever." I said giving a very short reply.

"I love you." He reminded me.

I stood up and decided to give him the silent treatment.

There was a pause on his end of the phone until he spoke to Carlisle.

"Is she still there?"

"Yes Edward." Carlisle responded.

I rolled my eyes and walked towards the doorway.

"Silent treatment?" Edward guessed.

"Seems like it Edward."

"Bella, Love, I'm going to be home soon. Please behave?" he said as he hung up the phone.

With that I walked into Alice's room to look for some clothes to play with.

**A/N: Ok so that was an ok chapter. It will hopefully get better as I continue! Thank you for reading it and please review it!?**


	2. Crashing into windows and stubbing toes

I opened up the door and immediately spotted the box of clothing laying on the floor. Inside the box was a long black cape. My eyes widened as I pulled it out and put it on. I soon went from being ordinary Bella to Bella the Magnificent. Just then, Carlisle walked in.

"Bella, didn't Edward say no to playing dress up?"

I snorted as I leaped onto the couch in Alice's room. I also grabbed a crown from off the cushions and placed the golden shiny object onto my head.

"Okay Bella…you're going to get hurt if you keep this up and don't calm down." Carlisle warned me.

I only shook my head and within a few minutes I managed to scramble up on top of the bookshelf in Alice's room. Carlisle had his head buried in his hands and rocked back and fourth. He tried coaxing me down but failed every time. Just then, he made a statement that he heard Edwards car roll up in the driveway.

"No! I refuse to let him find me." I said as I jumped off the bookshelf and flew past Carlisle.

The crown fell off my head as I ran down the hallway and found my way to the staircase. The black cape was flying behind me as I ran down the stairs. There was a giant lump at the bottom of the staircase however. I realized it was Emmett. I tripped over his rock hard body—stubbing my toe in the process—and flew right into the glass window. My face was pressed up against the cold glass as Emmett's roaring laughter filled the house.

Just then, Edward walked through the door. Oh no…trouble. Screaming. I was waiting for it to begin.

"What the hell? Bella! Are your crazy? I just saw you run down the stairs and hit the window! Are you trying to commit suicide? Is that a cape your wearing? I thought I said no dress up!" he said in a very loud voice.

Emmett was still rolling on the floor laughing.

"And why the hell are you jumping up and down on one foot?" Edward demanded with a very audible growl.

"Emmett was in my way and I stubbed my toe by tripping over him." I whined. Edward whirled around and gave a very frightening glare towards Emmett.

"Rosalie beat me in a wrestling match. I was to lazy to move." Emmett said while stretching.

"Well I will help you move." Edward said while picking Emmett off the floor and shoving him to the opposite side of the room.

I looked at Edward and folded my arms.

"Sit. Now." He commanded. I shook my head as my eyes focused on him.

"Isabella Swan…"

I sat down immediately. I knew that tone of voice. I didn't want to mess around with him. He slowly advanced towards me.

"Well in my defense, if you had let me play dress up more, none of this would have happened." I said as I stared up at him.

"Well if you were more careful in general, none of these silly rules would exist." He said as he kneeled down next to me and brushed the hair out of my eyes.

I rolled my eyes and stood up. Edwards arms swiftly wrapped around me.

"Where are you going Miss Swan?" he whispered in my ear.

"To bed." I said with a very grumpy edge to my voice. I pushed past him. Edward took my hand and kissed it as he let me walk up the stairs and disappear to his room.

Half an hour later, Edward appeared in the doorway of his room. He sat on the edge of the massive bed that was sitting by his window. I had always offered to sleep on the couch, but the Cullen family loved to spoil me.

"Bella love, I know your not asleep." He said sweetly. I rolled over on my side trying to give him an angry glare.

"Bella, I hope you can it in your heart to forgive me. I am only trying to keep you away from danger."

"I am on lockdown Edward! Its unnecessary!" I said crossing my arms.

Edward chuckled and he leaned over to kiss my forehead.

"You don't deserve a kiss." I said leaning away from him. Unfortunately, I rolled over to far. I rolled right off the bed and onto the floor. I ended up landing on a pile of CD's and a few books that were scattered next to the bed.

"Ow!" I exclaimed. Edward helped me up immediately.

"Bella, Bella, Bella…" he said shaking his head from side.

"Now what? Are you going to forbid me from sleeping in a bed too?" I snapped angrily.

I sat up straight and gave a stern look in his direction. He looked at me with a crooked smile and then he chuckled. But it was not light and warm—it was almost sinister! What was my angelic Edward planning? He only shook his head while he sat next to me.

"No. I must not kiss you anymore. That is what truly caused you to fall in the first place."

I crossed my arms and my temper flared.

"Edward Cullen! Why are you being so cruel to me?" I said with a pouting look on my face.

"Bella, darling, I am looking out for you." He answered showing his teeth in a wide smile.

"I am going to go complain to Jasper." I said as I stood and exited the room and ignored how tired I truly was.

**A/N: Thank you for sticking with my story! I am so sorry it took me such a long time to update. I will hopefully be able to access a computer more often now that my internet is fixed. I am sorry this chapter is not very good. I am writing more chapters and will post them soon! Thank you all again**


	3. Finding your life changing experience

I stumbled into Jaspers room and sat on his floor looking around. He was sitting at his desk reading a book and didn't seem to notice my entrance which surprised me. I cleared my throat and when that didn't catch his attention I decided to do random things until he actually realized I was standing there.

So to begin with, I stood up and started flapping my arms up and down like I was a bird and bobbed my head. Then I stood in place and wobbled back and fourth trying to imitate seaweed working with the currents of the ocean. Then I walked up behind Jasper and decided to have the ultimate staring contest with the back of his head. He must have felt me breathing on the back of his neck, because the Vampire turned around and screamed in horror which made me loose focus and tumble backwards.

"Bella! What the hell?" He said as he looked at me with wide eyes.

"You made me blink" I whined.

Jasper raised one eyebrow and ran his fingers through his hair in a confused manner.

"I what?" He asked trying to figure out what I could possibly mean.

I rolled my eyes and rolled over onto my stomach so I could look up at him.

"I was having a staring contest with the back of your head." I explained simply.

Jasper starting laughing and then looked at me with another confused expression.

"Bella, unlike Edward and Rosalie, I don't have eyes in the back of my head." He told me.

I lightly smiled and then walked over to his couch and lay across the entire thing.

"Will you be my shrink Jasper?" I asked as I tried putting on my psycho depressed face.

"Awww Bella do I have to do this again?" He asked as he gave me a pouting face.

"Please big brother?" I said sticking my lip out and making sad puppy dog eyes.

"Your pouting face is so pathetic Bella."

"So you'll do it for me?" I asked smiling at him.

"For 7 minutes only. I am in the middle of pride and prejudice and Mr. Darcy is traveling back to Elizabeth and I think he is going to tell her all the things he wants to!" Jasper said with extreme excitement.

"Maybe you need the shrink. I don't think I have ever met a man who got excited over Pride and Prejudice." I said.

Jasper stuck his tongue out and then looked at me while grabbing his pad of paper and a pen. He then put on a serious expression.

"So Bella, what seems to be the problem today?" He asked.

"Well, Edward is overprotective beyond belief. And now he has gone to the extreme and wont kiss me! I don't know how I am suppose to make it through these dark and depressing days."

"Well Bella, I suppose you can think of alternatives for kissing Edward."

"Like what?" I asked frowning.

"Making a sock puppet and kissing that." Jasper suggested.

"Edward banned those."

"He did what!? Why would he go to that extreme?" Jasper cried out.

I shrugged as Jasper went through a list of things. None of them seemed to work.

"Well Bella I cant give you any more suggestions. They all don't seem worth a try. I think you should do something that gives you a life changing experience. Then maybe you won't feel so bad." He said smiling.

"What kind of life changing experience?" I asked.

"Oh I don't know. What about doing something so simple that it will have the biggest outcome."

I looked at him trying to decipher what he meant. That's when I realized he was probably sending me a hidden message.

"You're talking about licking a battery!" I whispered to him.

"Uh….wait…what?" He said leaning close to me.

"You want me to lick a battery! That's my life changing experience." I told him.

"No Bella, I think you have the wrong idea—"

"Thanks Jasper!" I said as I darted out of the room.

"Oh dear God, I'm going to need a shrink after what Edward will do to me." I heard him cry out as I left.


	4. Licking a Battery

I skipped down the stairs and sat on the couch and began thinking where the Cullen's kept their clean batteries. I then began to wonder whose shift it was during this hour. After all it was only 11:58pm. I decided that it was Edwards shift and that it would be his fault if I got hurt during this little episode of mine. I meandered into Alice's room to see her dancing around gracefully to some songs on the radio.

"Alice? Where do you keep your batteries?" I asked.

The very small and elegant Vampire turned and looked at me.

"Why do you need batteries Bella?" She asked while turning down her music.

"The remote control for the television is dead. I figured I should replace the batteries." I lied with a confident smile. Alice smirked and then I frowned. I should have been smarter then to try to lie to Alice.

"You forgot that I can see into the future. I know what you're going to do." She said still giving me the 'your-not-so-bright' look

"Is my plan successful?" I asked with a very hopeful expression.

"I won't tell you that. But I will let you know, the batteries are in the closet downstairs. Be sure to grab a brand new one Bella!" She called out to me as I tip toed out of her room so I wouldn't draw any attention to myself.

While in the hallway, I formed my hands into a gun and hummed the mission impossible theme song to myself. I pressed my back against the wall and continued walking down the hallway and looked into every room. Jasper was still buried in his book, Rosalie was painting her nails, and Edward was not in his room. I then did a quick summersault back to the doorway of Jasper's room.

"Psst! PSST!" I whispered. Jasper looked up from his book this time noticing me.

"Can I help you?" He said irritated.

"Is it your turn to watch me? Or is it Edwards?" I asked.

"Technically Edwards. You have not gone to sleep yet. I Bella-Sit you from the time you wake up until 3:00. You haven't gone to sleep so I suppose its Edwards shift." He said shrugging.

"You're sure?"

"Yes! Now will you be quiet? Mr. Darcy is being an ass and I am very mad at him. I am screaming at him in my head. But then again Elizabeth wont corporate much. Oh why must love be so twisted?" He said while doing very awkward hand motions.

"Okay then…you're psychotic. I'm going back to my plan." I said as Jasper waved me away.

I continued doing summersaults down the hallway and held my hand in the formation of a gun. I was tiptoeing down the stairs when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I whirled around and pointed my gun at them.

"Whoa! Bella! I come in peace!" Emmett shouted.

"My name is Kiwi StrawberryTango!" I said while I still had my "gun" aimed at him.

"Well Kiwi StrawberryTango, my name is Captain Bluebeard." He said smiling.

"Captain Bluebeard huh?" I said suspiciously.

"It's a famous pirate ghost." Emmett said.

"Then why are you not talking like a pirate?" I asked pointing my gun closer to his face.

Emmett fidgeted and then began mumbling to himself. My guess was that he was to slow and stupid to figure out how to translate simple English into Pirate's Talk.

"Well Kiwi StrawberryTango, What be th' voyage ye be on?" Emmett asked. I smiled and he could tell I was satisfied and quite impressed.

"Well Em—I mean Captain Bluebeard—I am trying to find batteries to lick." I said with a very large grin.

"Aye! Where be yer scallywag Edward? This will be a mighty fun voyage!"

"I don't know where Edward is. But Captain Bluebeard, I do not think we are properly dressed for this mission!" I cried out.

Emmett pressed his hands to his face and shaped his mouth into an 'O' shape. He then smiled and shouted loudly so it echoed off the walls.

"Off t' Alices cabin! She has a box o' clothes watin' fer us."

We darted into Alices room. And clearly she didn't mind us being there. Emmett picked out a pirates outfit complete with a little parrot that sat on his shoulder and an eye patch. I picked out a black pea coat to go with my dark denim jeans, and a pair of aviators. I put my hair back so I was the official spy.

Within moments, Emmett had his sword out and I had my gun. Together we were the perfect team. I turned to Emmett with bright eyes.

"Shall we gather more followers?" I said with a serious tone.

"Who are ye natterin' about?" Emmett asked.

"Jasper. He could be a Ninja and follow us around." I said.

Emmett glared at me and then began whispering to his parrot.

"Feathers 'n I both agree that we do nah work wit' ninjas. They be filthy 'n dirty 'n I shall nah tolerate them."

"But Captain Bluebeard, what if one of us gets caught by the enemy? We need someone else that can help save the sacred battery."

"Kiwi StrawberryTango. Ask yourself: Are ye a pirate or a ninja. Choose mighty carefully. Ye only get one chance."

"Captain Bluebeard, now is not the time to play foolish games! For goodness sakes! Cant you work with a Ninja?" I begged.

Emmett stiffened up and looked me straight in the eye.

"I shall nah go on a voyage wit' a dirty rotten ninja. End o' discussion!"

"Well…he is reading Pride and Prejudice. Maybe he would like to be a British man." I suggested.

Emmett raised his hands over his head.

"First ye insist that Feathers 'n I work wit' a rotten Ninja. Then ye suggest that we work wit' a British scallywag?! 'tis outrage! Do ye know wha' th' British do t' us Pirates?"

"No Captain Bluebeard I don't have the faintest idea." I admitted.

"They hang us high above in th' gallows. I spit at th' faces o' British scallywags." He whispered as he got really close to me.

I stood there bewildered at how much in character Emmett could get. But I realized the clock was ticking away and Emmett and I had to act fast to find out batteries without getting caught.

"My apologies. Let us venture down to the closet. I hear they keep batteries stocked inside." I explained.

Together, the two of us made it downstairs by doing back flips and summersaults and then finally we reached our goal.

"X Marks th' spot. Ye do th' honors o' openin' th' treasure chest." Emmett said.

I slowly opened the door and found them. A beautiful square 9 volt battery. Exactly what I had been searching for.

"Yes! Captain Blue Beard! Mission complete." I said smiling. I took it out and stared at it like it was my child or something. I had never seen something more magnificent in my entire life. Emmett high-fived me.

"Well go ahead Kiwi StrawberryTango. Lick th' battery 'n tell me wha' happens." Emmett said.

But before I could, I saw something standing behind Emmett. I knew right away how much trouble I was in.

"Oh no! Captain Bluebeard! Abort mission! The enemy has found us!" I yelled while trying to run away.

Edward was walking up to Emmett and gave him an icy cold stare.

"What the hell are you doing?" He asked in a low growl.

"Wha' th' Davy Jones' locker are ye doin'? Yer ruinin' our voyage! I be sendin' th' kracken aft ye!" Emmett said.

"Why are you talking like a pirate?" Edward said getting closer to Emmett and I.

"'tis a lot o' fun. Ye should really try it some time. Unless ye dont like pirates. Edward are ye a Pirate or a Ninja?"

"Shut up Emmett!" Edward snapped.

And then Edward turned to me. I felt a cold spark of electricity. He was going to run after me. I could totally do this. I could do the matrix moves they do in the movies. I could pull myself out of this mess. All I had to do was run like crazy. And then I had to lock myself in the bathroom and lick the battery. Then my life changing experience was completed.

"Bella, Love, put the battery down. I read Alice's thoughts."

"My name is Kiwi StrawberryTango!" I screamed.

"Cut the crap Bella. I mean it. Drop the battery now." He said as he advanced towards me.

Just before Edward could take another step, Emmett threw himself on top of Edward and the two of them were wrestling on the floor.

"Run Kiwi Strawberry Tango! I shall hold 'im off! 'ave that ye dirty rotten Ninja lover! I know ye 'ave always loved Ninjas! Thats why ye love Jasper more than me! I shall send ye t' Davy Jones' locker! Th' Kraken will feast off yer carcass!" Emmett yelled.

I ran down the hallway, flew right past Carlisle and accidentally bumped into him which caused him to drop a bunch of papers.

Edward was still struggling to get up off the floor and I could hear him yell to Carlisle.

"After her! Don't let her lick that battery!"

But before Edward or Carlisle could reach me, I made it safely into the bathroom with the battery in my hand and the door locked behind me. I could hear Edward at the door trying to talk me out of it. He made it sound like I was about to commit suicide. And then, I pressed my tongue to the battery. There was a shock that jolted me a little and caught me by so much surprise, I screamed. I was then giggling out of control and I could only picture Edwards horror struck face in my mind. That only caused me to laugh more.

When I emerged from the bathroom, all the Cullen's were outside the bathroom door.

Edward had a very angry face and Carlisle looked quite amused. Emmett was nodding his head in absolute admiration at my skills. Rosalie and Esme were looking quite confused. Alice looked at me.

"You know he is going to remove all batteries in the house now right Bella?" She said.

"I know." I smiled.

Edward snatched the battery out of my hand and looked me in the eyes.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"Edward…I have a confession." I said.

"Bella…?" Edward asked looking concerned.

"Jasper was right. Licking a battery really is a life changing experience."

Everyone laughed except for Jasper and Edward. Jasper was so frightened for what Edward may do to him that he nearly fell over backwards. Edward was trying to make sense of everything. I tried to keep a serious face on, but inside I was giggling insanely.

**A/N: Sorry about the Pirate talk. I found a pirate translator online and was having so much fun using it. Also—if you actually want to lick a battery use a clean one because using a used one is bad! (This chapter was written for my friend Anna who inspired me) Whats YOUR life changing experience? Please review!**


	5. HSM VS Edward Cullen

I had been banned from batteries. My entire life seemed to be falling apart. Edward had taken all battery operated things and hidden them. He even tried taking Rosalie's battery operated hand held massager. She nearly killed him for that. It was now the day after I had licked a battery. Since then, I had tried to be a mime, talk all in rhyme, and play drums with spoons. It was currently Carlisle's shift. Edward was away with Esme trying to help her find paint color for the kitchen—although they rarely used it. Edward didn't want to go because he claimed it took to long. But Esme got her way and forced the poor man into it. So I had all day to try and come up with some stuff for cheap entertainment.

I looked at Carlisle who was reading a book on how to tell if your son is a sex addict. I guessed he was reading it for Emmett's sake. After all, he and Rosalie had been exiled for a few days until they calmed things down. That's when I got a good idea. Interrogation time!

I walked up to his desk. He looked up at me from the pages of his book. I smiled slightly and then carefully pulled the book down from him.

"Bella is there something I can do for you?"

"Are you enjoying your book?" I asked.

"Very much so. I am doing it for Emmett's sake." He said sighing.

"I figured that was the case. But I have something that you will enjoy even more than a book."

"Are you sure about that? I'm still not sure if Emmett truly does need some help."

I smiled at him and said, "Better to be a sex addict than gay. He'd attract some strange men home."

Carlisle laughed.

"So what can I do for you Bella?"

"What does your son, Edward, hate more than anything in this world? What drives him to the point of insanity?"

Carlisle folded his hands and shook his head.

"Bella I can't tell you. Edward won't break. Just do what he asks and your torture will be over soon."

"An eye for and eye. He tortures me, and I get him back. So tell me Carlisle," I said as I picked up the book and dragged it over to the paper shredder, "or your beloved son Emmett will never be cured."

Carlisle shook his head again.

"Emmett is not _that_ loved."

"Damnit!"

"But if you happen to have $15 I think I can remember what drives Edward to the point of madness."

I smiled. No not smiled, I grinned. From ear to ear. But it was that evil grin that made chills run up your own spine. I handed over the money and Carlisle nodded his head.

"Excellent."

**4 hours later**

I heard the car pull up and I ran downstairs. I nodded to Emmett who nodded back to me. Rosalie gave me a thumbs up and Alice and Carlisle gave me the nod for executing my plan. Jasper smiled and he to gave me a good sign.

The door opened and in stepped Esme and Edward. Esme walked right on through and headed straight to the kitchen. Edward stopped in the doorway and a shock of horror was on his face.

"Rosalie you're wearing a lot of pink. Is that a mini skirt? Why on earth are you wearing that? Jasper! Why are you matching her with such tight pants? Alice…you are dressing like some cute hippy boho girl. Where did your nice clothes go? Oh my god Emmett….no…no….why do you have an afro and those basketball shorts on!"

My plan hadn't even started yet and it was already a success.

Carlisle stood at the top of the stairs and smiled, not saying a single word.

"Oh my god Bella! Your hair is curled; you're wearing skin tight clothes. Have you gone insane?"

"My name is not Bella. You know that Troy." I said sounding sweet and innocent.

"Troy? Bella, love, I'm Edward."

"No. Did you hit your head? I'm Gabriella and your Troy."

Edwards face went stone cold.

"Hell no. This is NOT okay!"

I then broke into full choreography. I danced as I strutted towards him and the entire Cullen family backed me up in singing.

"I'm not gonna stop that's who I am I'll give it all I got that is my plan will I find what I lost you know you can bet on it, bet on it, bet on it, bet on it"

Edward backed up and he gave me a horrified look.

"Why does that sound so familiar!?"  
Carlisle came strutting down the stairs and the rest of us did 'oo' sounds to back him up.

"You gotta Get'cha, Get'cha head in the game"

Edward was having a panic attack. He knew those songs. It was all coming back to him

"No! Do not start singing High School Musical! I will not tolerate this!" he said as he fled up to his room. This was only the first five minutes of the rest of my night.

Rosalie walked up to his bedroom.

"Edward, I have something to say to you. A little of it is from Bella—I mean, Gabriella."

"What?"

Rose broke out into full song and dance.

"I want fabulous, That is my simple request, All things fabulous, Bigger and better and best, I need something inspiring to help me get along, I need a little fabulous is that so wrong?"

Edward was horrified as he shoved her out of the room.

"It's not going to work on me Rose!"

"Bella's gonna bop, bop, bop to the top!"

"She won't win!"

For the rest of the day, we were singing high school musical songs to drive him crazy. We even made him sing on accident because he was going that mad. Emmett had yelled at him to dance. He replied back, "I don't dance I know you can not a chance no if I can do this, well you can do that but I don't dance hit it out of the park."

Finally, Edward crawled over to me and looked me in the eyes.

"Love, what do you want from me?"

"Take me as I am Or not at all I ain't ever gonna change myself for no one No compromise 'Cause it's my life It's all or nothing."

He looked at me with a terrible expression.

"Bella, I love you, but I can't have you do this to me. I won't let you sing high school musical and embarrass yourself. You can't win my darling."

"What makes you so sure?"

"I can get you right back."

"No you can't."

"Your mistaken my love."

And with that, my eyes widened in horror as Esme walked into the room wearing jeans, a flashy shirt, and a blond wig. She was holding a microphone and she had Carlisle blast music from the stereo. She was bouncing up and down and began singing. I cried in horror.

"Everybody makes mistakes everybody has those days everybody knows what, what I'm talkin' 'bout everybody gets that way, yeah!"

Edward had won again

**A/N I despise HSM with a burning passion and I hate Hannah Montana even more. So im sorry if you were offended by any of this. Short chapter, im tired and it just came to me. I got a new computer so updates will maybe be more frequent. Read and review please!**


	6. Confessions of a Narnian

It was raining outside. My nose was pressed against the glass as I watched it fall and create puddles on the pavement. I was running ideas through my head. I had already ruled out taking the car and driving to some store and acting like an idiot, making their living room into a gymnastics room, melting crayons in the microwave, and playing with toy boats in the bathtub. Edward was watching me this time around. He sat at the piano playing my lullaby. It flowed so smoothly, the notes synchronizing with the raindrops. I was bored out of my mind! If I could find a nerd rope, I'd eat a little and then hang myself from the shower rod. But of course, he was reluctant to give me candy because it might stimulate an apocalyptic sugar high.

I stood from the couch and proceeded to walk up the stairs to Alice's room. I felt Edwards eyes follow my as they burned into my back. I turned around and gave him the death glare.

"Edward, walking up the stairs is dangerous. I might fall and break a rib." I said in a dull and sarcastic voice.

"Of course _you_ would." He said still playing my song without missing a single note.

"You don't have to be so…gloomy!" I said putting my hands on my hips.

He chuckled, he was laughing in a serious time of depression! The nerve!

"Bella, I'm only looking out for you."

"Well I'm going upstairs." I said as I turned back around.

The piano stopped and he stood up at the bench.

"No Edward, I can walk upstairs by myself. I am not three."  
"I never said you were three…"  
"Just sit down and play your piano." I told him in a stern voice. To my surprise, he sat back down and resumed playing.

"You're not gonna question me? You're not gonna protest?" I asked.

"I can clearly tell you have no idea what you're gonna do. You have no options."  
"I thought you said you couldn't read my mind!"  
"I can't," he said smiling, "but your face is very obvious darling."

I rolled my eyes and walked up the stairs and into Alice's room. The rest of the Cullen's were gone on some little hunt. I sat on the floor of her room and took in a deep sigh. The piano music continued to fill the house and I blankly stared at the closet doors in front of me. They were made of heavy thick wood that was darkly stained. Detailed carvings outlined the border of the doors. The handles were the type that you would see on French doors, and they weren't padlocked. That's when a light bulb went off in my head. I searched around her room and found the padlock that had been on her door earlier this week lying on the bookcase. She must have forgotten to put it back on. I smiled deviously as I walked up towards the closet. I placed my hands on both handles and opened them slowly. I expected Narnia to be there when I opened it and was very disappointed when I didn't see pine trees and snow. Her closet was huge! Definitely bigger than Queen Bee Rosalie's closet. She had dresses, shirts, jackets, everything!

I turned around to make sure Edward wasn't lurking behind me. When I didn't see him standing in the doorway, I slowly shut the closet doors and turned on the light inside. I didn't want to play dress up, that had already been done. And pretending that Narnia was really in the closet would be too loud; I knew my imagination would eventually get the best of me. So I rummaged through her clothes. Some sparkly heels caught my eye. And that's when I found the love of my day. They were bright red rain boots that had Bella figuratively written all over them. And they happened to be my size. It was meant to be! The unlocked door, not finding the lamppost, and seeing these beautiful waterproof shoes for my feet! I quickly snatched them off the shelf and sat on the floor. I sat down a little too hard because the floor shook beneath me. I knew it was a matter of time before Edward would bolt up the stairs and jump to my unneeded rescue. I put on both boots and tried to stand to open the door but, it was too late.

Before I knew it, Edward flung the doors open and looked down on me.

"Bella…what the hell? I thought Alice locked this…"

"She did. I picked the lock." I said, lying to him with my best poker face.

"You don't know how to do that. You are terrible at lying to me."

"Damnit. I really tried that time!" I said giving him a sour look.

"So what were you doing in here?"  
I felt completely shocked! He didn't notice the boots yet! This means that I could still very well get away with my plan. Now all I had to do was create a convincing story.

"Bella? What were you doing in her closet?"  
"I was…ummm…."

"I'm waiting for an answer love."

"I was trying to find Aslan!" I blurted out and after realizing how funny it sounded, I was thrown into a fit of giggles.

"Who?"  
"Aslan! King of Narnia!" I said still trying to control my giggling. My lie was going terrible! This was never going to work. He would see right through me and then I'd be ruined.

"Well, Vampires do exist. But talking lions certainly don't."

"If large werewolves are real then I'm sure the talking lion is some cousin twice removed."  
"No Bella, the lion isn't real. You know that."  
"What about the faun?"  
"The what?"  
"The half naked goat man! Are they real?"  
"No. Bella…look, why don't you join me downstairs?" he asked offering me his hand.

What the hell? He believed me? Really! I tried my absolute best to control the smile that was trying to creep its way onto my face. And I took his hand once I wrapped my mind around the fact that I finally lied to Edward and got away with it.

"Just because I'm coming out of her closet doesn't mean that I'm gay." I said as we walked downstairs.

He shook his head as he muttered, "Oh my God Bella…"

Step two in my plan was to come within the next hour. I kept my fingers crossed as he kissed me on the cheek and walked with me to the kitchen.

**A/N Okay so this chapter was very short and not funny, I am very aware of this. However, the chapter that is to follow this will contain events that will be pretty good. Just stick with it and think of this chapter as the pre-mission. Thanks!**


	7. Pizza Pizzaz and Puddles

Edward sat at the table looking at me drink the tea he had made me. He stared at me with intense eyes. His hair was perfectly messy, and the left corner of his mouth had the tiniest trace of a smile.

"What?" I said to him when I couldn't stand him staring any longer.

"Isabella, you are so beautiful." He said. That left corner of his mouth raised even higher until he was smiling at me, showing all his perfect white teeth. You would never know that they were lethal weapons. His contagious good mood caused me to grin. He chuckled and looked down at his hands. The game of monopoly—the worst game in the world—sat next to him. Jasper and Emmett had been playing earlier.

"Bella, I have to run an errand. Can I trust you to be here by yourself for about 30 minutes?"  
I smiled at him acting completely innocent.

"Of course you can Edward. It's about time you finally relaxed about me!"  
"I'm only gone for 30 minutes. It's not that long. Then again, you do have a way of creating mass destruction within a few minutes. Maybe I'll go when everyone gets back.  
"No! Don't be silly!"

"You're sure?"  
"Yes! Edward, go do whatever you're gonna do."  
He stood and kissed me on the cheek and then put on his coat.

"I'll be back in exactly 30 minutes. Stay inside and don't touch any forks, spoons, TV remotes, and no calling with the phone unless you need to reach me."

"Thanks. I'll be perfectly fine though."

He stared at me for a while. I could tell he was rethinking his decision. He was going to stay if I didn't say something fast.

"Actually, this tea made me sleepy so I think I am going to lie down. I'll see you when I wake up."  
Edward smiled and walked out the door. I watched him pull out of the driveway and down the street. That's when I whipped out the house phone and searched frantically for a phone book. I found one lying under the coffee table in the living room. I picked it up and slammed it down. I flipped through the pages as fast as I could and yanked my hand back yelling loudly when it bled just a little. I hated paper cuts. I proceeded to flip through the book, cutting my fingers at least three more times. And then I found the number I had been in search for. I dialed the number as fast as my sore little fingers would dial.

One ring, two rings, three rings, four rings, five….

"Hello, thank you for calling Pizza Pizzazz where your pizza is always full of zing. This is Conner. How can I assist you today?"  
"Conner, how much extra do you get paid to say that cheesy line?"  
"I get paid $8.50 an hour. But I just answer the calls and deliver. I don't make the pizza."  
"I'll pay you double than what you make in an hour plus a little extra if you bring me a medium meat lovers pizza within the next 10 minutes."  
"That's pushing it a little…"  
"Conner, oh Conner…we all know that it's pushing it a little. But it is still possible, right?"  
"Well yeah it's possible but—"

"Perfect. 10 minutes. And for every minute that your late, I start taking away a dollar."  
"Umm…"  
"How many minutes do you have left?"  
"I don't think we can take your order…"  
"Now you have 9 minutes since you're complaining so much. Get to it Conner! This is a very important situation! I desperately need my pizza stuffed with zing in 9 minutes and don't you dare argue or say 'that's what she said'."

"Right. 9 minutes…."

I gave him my address and hung up.

6 minutes had gone by. I was pacing nervously in front of the door with the money in my hand. At 11 minutes, a beat up baby blue car pulled up in the driveway. A tall boy with light dirty blond hair stepped out of the car and walked to the door with a pizza in hand. He rang the doorbell and I opened the door and took the pizza right out of his hands and set it on the couch. I pulled him inside and shut the door behind him.

"Whoa! Lady! Look, I just deliver the pizza, nothing extra!"  
"Not even for a little tip?"  
"No! Look I can't stay, just pay me so I can leave?"  
"No way! I need you to fill my emptiness. I've been waiting for this moment since my boyfriend is being such a jerk. He's been gone for a little bit and will be home any moment. This won't take very long and I won't get hurt in the process. If he found out I got hurt, he'd kill me and probably you. I promise it will be fast and you look perfect to get the job done!"  
Conner had wide eyes and his mouth opened a little bit in a frightened expression.

I pulled out yellow boots and a black coat.

"This will be tight fitting, but that's okay. You'll still look good in it."  
"No! I'm not wearing this!"  
"Put it on!"

"Look! I don't know what fetish you have, but I'm not into this kind of stuff! I have a purity ring!"

I gave him a disgusted look.

"Conner, I'm not going to sleep with you. My god, do I look like a prostitute?"  
"Wait….I am totally lost…"  
"We are gonna go puddle jumping before my boyfriend gets home! You know, outside?"

"Seriously?"  
"Yes seriously. I wanted to do it with someone and you seemed perfect! Please? Just for a few minutes and then you can leave. I'll pay you still."

He sighed and gave me this awful "do I have to" looks.

"Fine."

He put on the boots and the coat and we went outside. At first he just stood there like a lost orphan child. I found the biggest puddle next to him and jumped in it. He got completely wet.

"You have to do it or you don't get paid!"  
"I don't wanna do it! I'm gonna get all wet!"  
"Stop being such a baby and jump in the water! You aren't the wicked witch of the west so it's not going to hurt you." I said as I jumped again. I had my back turned when I felt water go all over the back of my legs and in my hair. I cringed and gasped at how cold it was. Conner was standing in the middle of the puddle looking at me with a slight smile.

"You have learned well my apprentice." I said in a star war-ish voice.

We continued splashing and jumping and that's when it all went wrong. A rock was hiding under the puddle, one that I didn't see. Conner was off frolicking in a different puddle. I was just so caught up in the moment that I didn't notice it. That's when I fell, and I fell hard. My jeans were soaked and water went up my back. I stood up cold, wet, shivering, and very muddy. Conner laughed hysterically. I had a few scrapes on my hands from when I broke my fall but that was it. That's when out of the corner of my eye, I saw car lights heading up the road. It was Edward. I took the now wet money out of my pocket and shoved it at Conner and then pushed him towards his car.

"Leave now!"

"Why? This is way better than answering pizza calls."  
"There is a disturbance in the force!" I said as I pushed him to the car.

"Your boyfriend?"

I nodded my head. He started his car. I held out my hand and positioned it towards the driver side window. He rolled it down, which made me feel like I was an actual Jedi moving things with my mind.

"May the force be with you."  
He nodded with a smile and drove off. He passed Edwards car and Edward pulled into the driveway just as I ran through the front door. I was trying to find a hiding spot. I pulled out all the pots in one cabinet and threw myself inside. I heard the front door open and slam shut.

"Bella! Where the hell are you? What did you do this time! And why are there muddy footprints all over the house? Who was that guy?"

I held my breath.

"I can smell you love…" he said as he walked towards the door of the cabinet.

Damn.

He opened the door and glared at me.

"I have pizza to make up for it!"  
"I can't eat food Bella…"  
"Right. You can call a Pizza Pizzazz guy! I heard that they have awesome delivery guys who will do random stuff for money!"

Edward pulled me out of the cabinet and then gave me a confused look.

"You're all wet."  
"I went puddle jumping and I fell."  
"Of course you did Bella, of course."

"Your hands. They are all scraped! Are those paper cuts?"

"The phonebook attacked me, I swear."

He shook his head at me.

"Go take a shower and clean up." He said while trying to contain a smile. I decided not to argue with this one.

As I walked towards the stairs he called out to me.

"Bella, what money did you pay him with?"

"The money that's on the table. Why?" I said as I walked back into the kitchen.

My mouth dropped as he stood there shaking his head and laughing. He was holding the money I was supposed to give to Conner.

"Wait, I swear I paid him!"

"With Monopoly money, yes."

That's when I noticed a few of the brightly assorted play money was missing. I must not have paid enough attention when I was ordering the pizza and grabbing the money at the same time.

I was at a loss of words and began laughing aloud.

Edward came over to me and wrapped his arms around me as he kissed my forehead lightly. He laughed along with me.

"I love you Bella." He said while fighting back the laughter.

"Does this mean I can puddle jump more often?"  
He let go and wandered into the living room.

"Of course not. Now you will be on surveillance 24/7 with extra security."

I groaned as I shuffled across the floor and up the stairs for a shower.


	8. Caprisunaholic

After my last incident with puddles and pizza, Edward had been extra protective lately. He insisted that I put band aids on all my scrapes and cuts so that way there would be less chance of a freak accident if I started bleeding and a Vampire was hungry. But the band aids that he had were awful! I mean really! If I have battle scars from a freaking awesome evening, do you really think I'm gonna wanna wear some skin color band aid? No!

Besides, the "skin color" band aids are almost three shades too dark for my pale skin! I demanded Edward to buy me some exciting ones. And since he couldn't let me out of his sight, he took me to the store with him.

He held onto my hand in a firm grasp to make sure I wouldn't somehow run off in excitement that I was on a field trip. When we got to the isle, there were so many choices! There were silver ones that were shiny, and there were ones with Dora the explorer. Not to mention Disney character band aids. I sat on the floor and looked at all three choices. Edward groaned and tapped his foot.

"Im glad you're so patient." I said cheerfully.

"Im glad your not taking forever." He said as he rolled his eyes.

"Can we buy all three?" I begged.

"No Bella!"

"Why not? I have enough wounds for them. Besides, think of it as a good investment. I will get hurt in the future and some extra boxes wouldn't hurt to have on hand."

"Bella, we have two boxes at home already. I'm more than certain we are prepared. Besides, if Alicesees an injury coming, I will personally go to the store and pick up some exciting ones. But you don't need three boxes right now."

I put on my best pouting face, but that did no good. I stood there and decided that Dora would have to wait. But now I was stuck between the silver shiny ones, or the Disney character ones.

"Which one would you choose?" I asked Edward with a serious tone.

He groaned and shook his head.

"I don't know Bella. Just pick a damn box already."  
"Well I like the Disney ones because they are classic and you cant go wrong with Disney. But the shiny ones are so distracting! Its like high class tinfoil for your injuries!" I exclaimed with excitement.

"High class tinfoil? You sound like some redneck Bella." He said.

Clearly the silver ones irritated him more. So I decided to buy those ones. As we were walking out of the store, we passed the juice isle. I stopped walking and Edward stood by my side.

"What is it love?" he asked as he waited for me to start moving again.

"Im really thirsty and those boxes of CapriSun look really good right now." I said.

"Bella, we have stuff for you at home." He said as he gave my hand a slight tug.

_Shut up Edward, you forced me to get only one box of fun. I deserve this._ I thought to myself.

"Please Edward? Just one box? I'll make it last I promise." I said in my sweetest voice.

He sighed, "Pick out the one you like."

He made it sound like I was getting a puppy! I picked up a flavor that sounded perfectly acceptable and after checking out, we headed home.

When we walked into the door, the rest of the Cullen family was home. Esme and Carlisle were in the living room talking while Emmett, Alice, And Jasper were playing some board game. Rosalie was watching them from a distance with a look of disgust.

"Hey Bella! What do you have?" Emmett said in an enthusiastic tone.

"Bandaids and Capri Sun." Alice answered before I could.

"Thanks fortune teller." Emmett said in a sarcastic tone.

"Look Em, its like fancy tinfoil that sticks to your body!"I said as I pulled out a band aid. He practically squealed in excitement. Edward insisted that he help me cover my wounds. Emmett ended up sticking the left over bandages all over himself.

"Look Rosalie! I'm sorta like a knight in shining armor!" He said, obviously pleased with himself.

She didn't even bother looking at him and muttered some insult under his breath. And with that I cracked open the box of Capri Suns. Alice looked at Edward with a concerned look and then shook her head.

"What was that for?" He asked in an almost annoyed tone.

"Gateway drug." She said as she shrugged and continued with the board game.

"What?" Edward said as he gave me a weird look. I only shrugged as I put the straw in the pouch and went to put the box in the fridge.

I had experienced drinking a CapriSun before, but the last time I enjoyed its sweet taste was when I was attending elementary school. This was pure delight. And I quickly finished one pouch in the matter of minutes.

Edward was now reading a book nearby as the others continued on with their game. I went over to the fridge and grabbed another Capri Sun and sat back down and started drinking it. Before I realized it, I was already through with half the box. This was a complete disaster!

And if Edward realized that I was drinking them all too fast, he would hide the box from me. Or worse! He wouldn't buy them anymore! I quickly took the remaining pouches and hid them under my sweatshirt and walked to the bathroom. Edward looked up at me but suddenly got distracted when Emmett began screaming about how he lost the game. I quickly walked into the bathroom and locked the door.

I sat in the tub and began drinking the rest of the pouches and before I knew it, they were all gone. I was devastated. And I needed more. My body needed it. There was a knock at the door and I panicked. I jumped out of the tub, tripping over it and falling flat on the floor.

"Bella? You alright?"

It was Emmett, thank god!  
I opened up the door just a little bit and I yanked him in.

"Jesus Christ Bella!" he yelled.

I hit him in the chest which hurt me more than it hurt him.

"Shut up! Shut up! Edwards gonna hear us!"

"What is up with you? Are you alright? You seem, I don't know. Is your body twitching?"

"I need you to do me a favor." I said as I reached into my jean pockets and pulled out a twenty dollar bill.

"I don't know, the last time I did you a favor, I got in a lot of trouble by big guns."

"Don't mind him, hes just on his time of the month."  
"Whats that mean?" Emmett said.

I looked at him and shook my head. This boy was a lost cause.

"Never mind that. I need you to go buy as many boxes of Capri Sun as you can. I don't care what flavor, just go do it. Oh wait, don't get the 100% juice kind, they don't have enough sugar and they taste like crap. Just stick with the original okay? And don't let Edward see you."  
"Why do you need them…?"  
"Don't ask questions!" I whispered harshly.

I shoved him out of the bathroom and when I heard him walk out the front door, I left the room and told Edward that I was going to take a nap in his room. He kissed my forehead and I walked up the stairs.

About fifteen minutes later, Emmett returned with four boxes of Capri Sun. He knocked on Edwards door and entered with the stash of heaven.

"So what do you need these for?"  
"Oh you know, the usual." I replied casually.

"Grooming llamas?" he asked with a serious expression.

I gave him another dumbfounded look.

"I don't know what you do in your spare time, but I feel so sorry for you. How does Rosalie put up with you?" I asked.

He shook his head with a rather curious look, "I don't know actually…"  
I opened up one of the boxes and frantically scrambled for the straw. My fingers were shaking and I wasn't able to puncture the freaking straw through the tiny hole. Emmett gave me a concerned look.

"Here, lemme help you with that." He said.

"No! Precious, my precious." I hissed.

He drew back with a disgusted look on his face, "You're creepy Bella."

I managed to get the straw in and began drinking away. I happened to finish the first pouch in under a minute. Emmett gave me a horrified look.

"Oh my god, you're addicted." He said as he pointed his finger at the boxes of goodness.

"Shut up. I am not." I said as I tossed the empty pouch to the floor and opened another one.

"Yes you are Bella. Out of everything in the world, porn,meth, playing with barbies, and you get addicted to Capri Suns?"

"Wanna try?" I said as I extended an unopened pouch to him.

"Its not really my thing. Besides, Vampires don't drink this stuff."  
"What, are you not cool enough?"  
"No I am its just…"  
"Just what? You're too scared? Chicken." I said as I continued drinking mine.

"Fine! Just one." He said as he punctured the straw through.

**30 minutes ****later**

There was a knock at the door.

"Bella? Is Emmett in here with you?"

Oh crap! It was Edward. Oh no, he was going to kill me.

"Bella?"

There were pouches all over the floor and Emmett and I had at least three more left to drink each.

"Quick! Hide the evidence!" I said to Emmett as we began shoving the pouches under the rug in Edwards room.

"Bella?" Edward said as I heard the doorknob slowly turn.

Damnit.

There was a gasp and an ohmygod that followed. Yup, I was dead.

"Isabella Swan! What the hell are you doing?" He said.

"Drinking." I said as innocently as I could.

Edward looked at me with an astounded expression.

"Wait, that didn't sound very good. I'm enjoying a few drinks. Wait, that still sounds bad. I'm partaking in some self pleasure. Okay that sounds dirty."

"Oh my god, look at all of this! What are you doing?"

"Edward! Its not what it looks like!" I yelled back.

Emmett was still drinking the pouch he had in his hands.

"Not what it looks like? Bella, love, there has to be at least twenty of these wrappers on the floor! I only bought you one box! How did these get here?"

Emmett raised his hand.

"What the hell did you do?" Edward snapped at him.

"I smuggled then across the boarder." He said as he shrugged his shoulder and continued slurping away.

"You idoit!"

"Chill man, chill. Be cool, the world is at peace." Emmett said in a super stoner voice.

I reached for another unopened one lying on the floor but Edward used his stupid reactions and grabbed before I even had the chance.

"You are addicted!" he yelled.

"I am not!" I shouted back!  
"Look at you! You smell like…Capri Sun!"

"At least I'm not addicted to playing with Barbies!" I said in a loud voice.

Edward tried holding back a laugh, "Who would be addicted to that?"

Emmett raised his hand.

"You need help Bella."

"No I don't!" I screamed back.

Edward took the remaining pouches and scooped them up in his arm. I lunged at his legs and wrapped my arms around them.

"Im setting up an intervention for you Bella."

"No! I need those! They are my babies! You don't understand! They need me too! EDWARD!"

I let go of his legs and I ran down the stairs and fell to my knees on the floor as he dumped them all down the sink.

"NOOOOO!" I yelled as loudly as I could.

Alice was laughing and Rosalie rolled her eyes and walked away from the kitchen. Carlisleand Esme were watching with amusement as Jasper shook his head at me. Emmett came running down the stairs with wide eyes and a hurt expression. He knew the pain I was feeling.

"No more Capri Suns. They are banned from this house. Do you hear me Isabella Swan?"

"Yes…" I said with a hurt expression.

"Don't you think that's a little absurd Edward?" Jasper spoke up.

"Why would you think that Jas—" Alice started to say. And then her facial expression changed. "Oh no, you are one of them too. You are also addicted! How did I not see this coming?"

"I agree with Jasper, its not as bad as you think. Really, we could all just accept that it is so good and its essential." Esme chimed in. Carlisle shot her a look of shock.

"Its not as bad as it seems!" Jasper yelled.

"Jasper! Save the last one!" Esme screamed as I tried to lunge for Edward and Emmett restrained Alice and Rosalie. Jasper reached for the last remaining pouch but Edward snatched it and dumped it before he could save it. And just like that, the liquid heaven was lost forever.

**15 minutes later**

"Edward, this is stupid. I don't want to do this." I said as I folded my arms.

"Too bad love. I think you need to."

I sighed as Edward walked over to the side of the room and sat on the couch with Carlisle, Rosalie, and Alice. He dimmed the lights a little. I looked at Emmett, Jasper, and Esme who were sitting in a circle. I stood slowly.

"Hi, my name is Bella."

"Hi Bella." They all said as they gave me a smile.

I cleared my throat and looked at Edward who gave me a hard glare.

"My name is Bella and I'm a CapriSunaholic."

I could hear Carlislewhisper to Edward, "The first step to recovery is admitting there is a problem. Don't worry son, she'll be fine."

Damnit, he had won again.

**A/N: So this was probably not my best, but I was just thinking about how much I enjoy Capri Suns and I probably have an addiction to them too. Anways, I hope you enjoyed the chapter, I'll try to write another soon. Please review and thank you for reading!**


	9. Bell of Notre Dame

A few days had passed since my caprisun anonymous group session. And since that time, I really hadn't gotten into much trouble. In fact, I think I had been pretty good the last few days. No cuts, only four bruises, and I hadn't done anything that made Edward want to pull out his hair. And that's when I knew it was time for a new plan. I wandered around the house looking for something interesting.

Of course, Alice's closet was locked up with multiple different padlocks, the batteries in the house were safely hidden, and all the phonebooks were stashed away so I couldn't contact any more random pizza places.

I sighed with boredom. Edward and Carlisle had been away for the day on "guy buisness" and Emmett and Jasper had stayed behind with Alice. Rosalie and Esme had decided that they would go shopping and buy a lot of food for a nice dinner. The Cullen family was almost to kind to me sometimes.

Alice was reading some magazine and Emmett and Jasper were just sitting around on the couch. I looked at Aliceand sighed louder, hoping she would catch the hint and come up with a brilliant plan.

She just continued reading her magazine of fashion—something I didn't really understand.

"So, Alicetell me again where the guys went?" I said in a curious tone.

"They went to go get some supplies at a store." She said, not even looking up to answer me.

"Supplies like what?"  
"I don't know, wood and nails? Just some guy crap."

"What are they gonna do with all of that?" I asked her

"Im not gonna ruin the surprise Bella." She said waving her hand at me as if she wanted me to just buzz off.

Surprise? Yeah, I perked up once I heard that. I had a love hate relationship with surprises.

"Emm, Jasper? Do you know anything about a surprise?" I asked.

"Not a thing Bells." Emmett said while looking at me with that smirk of "oh yeah I totally know".

"You are such a liar Emmett Cullen." I said as I gave him a pouting face.

"And good old St. Edward dragged us into the entire thing."Jasper said, rolling his eyes.

"Is it a good surprise?" I asked sitting on the edge of my chair.

Jasper shrugged and Emmett got a wide eyed smile.

"I am actually pretty jealous that its all for you. I wish Edward would do cool stuff for me!" he said as he gave a sour look in my direction.

That's when it hit me. I wanted to be a stalker today.

"Lets go see if we can figure out what they are up to."

"We already know though Bella!" Jasper said.

"Well…I don't…." I said crossing my arms.

"Tough luck lady. You'll find out soon." Emmett said.

Soon wasn't good enough for me. I looked at Alice who seemed to be to engaged in her magazine to care about the conversation. I looked at the guys who were now going upstairs to their rooms.

I walked by Alicewith my hands in my pockets.

"Damn, looks like I'll have to wait then…" I said as I grabbed my truck keys off their kitchen counter.

"Just go. And take one of our cars. Your orange carrot sticks out like a sore thumb." She said in a monotone voice. I was caught off guard. Alicewas letting me loose?  
"I don't know what you're talking about." I lied.

"Go." She said in a simple tone.

"Edward is gonna kill you when he finds out."

"Edward isn't gonna find out if you are a good stalker and don't get caught." She said.

I looked at her long and hard and contemplated if this was a trap or not. And then I decided that I would risk it. It was either I died from boredom or I died from getting yelled at by the overprotective boyfriend. Which one seemed like a better way to go? The choice was obvious.

"Why are you letting me go?"

She looked up at me with a smirk.

"You're Bella Swan, you'd go anyways even if I said no. And besides, you need to have some fun today. Its been too long since you got in trouble and I do enjoy the entertainment." She said with a tiny laugh. I gave her a hug and thanked her and she threw me the keys to one of the cars.

I pulled out my aviators, put on a zip up hoodie and walked out the door. I got in the car and then realized that I had no idea where I was going. I had Alice on the phone in less than five seconds as I was driving down the road.

"This is Headquarters." She answered in an official tone.

God I loved her!  
"This is Bell of Notre Dame reporting to Headquarters, I need to know where my target is before I proceed."

"Target is located at Lowes."  
"Thanks Headquarters."  
"Good luck on your mission Notre Dame."

I hung up the phone and sped off to Lowes. Within ten minutes I had arrived in the parking lot and I walked inside the store. Instantly, I was hit with the smell of men.

Alicesaid that they were looking at wood and nails. So I began my journey in the wood section.

There were a lot of people at Lowes today which was nice because I could hide behind the extremely overweight ones and I could pretend to talk to them so I didn't look like an obvious Isabella Swan. I pulled my hood over my head and slowly walked down the isle.

I instantly saw Edward and Carlislelooking at long pieces of wood and picking multiple boards up. In fact, they had an insane amount piled into carts. I peered around the corner and watched them as they talked. I wasn't close enough to hear them and I didn't want to get too close. A Vampire had good hearing and smell. I was already risking it by being far away.

They then moved to the isle where there were nails and a bunch of different screws. I tried getting closer but Carlisle almost caught me. I had to duck behind a bunch of front door samples in order to stay hidden. They went through an area where they bought rope, and then they got some red paint and afterwards they made their way to the check out line. I grabbed a magazine about gardening and went to the checkout behind them, trying to listen to their conversation with the cashier.

"Did you find everything today okay ma'am?" my cashier asked me in a loud obnoxious tone.

"Um, yeah sure." I said trying to listen into the other conversation.

"Just a magazine for you today?" He asked me.

I looked at his name tag.

"Aaron, I don't mean to be rude, but shut your trap. I'm on a mission. Just scan the damn thing for me please." I said as I leaned over the counter to get closer to Edward and Carlisle.

The only part of their conversation I heard was the cashier saying, "Oh I'm sure she'll like it."

No duh! That's what everyone was saying!

Edward and Carlisle began walking outside with everything they had in their cart. I started following them until Aaron called out to me.

"Ma'am! You forgot your magazine!"

"Of course I did." I said as I snatched it out of his hand.

"You have a lovely day." He said as he smiled at me.

"Yeah, you too with this exciting job of yours." I said sarcastically as I dashed out into the parking lot. I weaved in and out of cars and watched them load all of their stuff into the back. I had my hood on still along with my glasses and I kept trying to put together what wood, nails, rope, and paint would make.

And then he looked up. He looked right at me, Edwards eyes practically pierced my soul. Shit. He was going to murder me.

He could probably build a coffin with the nails and wood, tie me up with the rope, and paint the coffin red and throw me inside. That's what everything was for, he was planning on killing me. Well, at least I found out early so it didn't come as a shock.

I ran back to the car, jumped in and started the engine and sped off, nearly hitting an old woman crossing the street as she was heading into the store. I pulled out of the parking lot frantically and began driving the speed limit on the road. I looked into my rear view mirror and realized that they were following me. Crap crap crap!

I had headquarters back on the phone.

"Hello headquarters, this is Bell of Notre Dame. We have a problem. It seems to be that the target is moving."

"How is that a problem Notre Dame?"  
"Im in the car and they happen to be right behind me."

"Did they confirm that it was you?"

"Negative. I have no proof that they know."  
"You still have a shot at this Notre Dame."  
I took a deep breath and looked in my mirror again, they were still on my tail.

"I need a plan headquarters. Think of one fast!"  
"I have received information that Goldielocks and Mama Bear are at a nearby grocery store. It happens to be on the way home. Pull into the parking lot, and find them. Trade car keys. The target should follow you inside and Goldielocks will make a good scene so you can get away. Take the other car that Mama Bear was driving and leave yours there. Come home. We can figure out the rest once you have returned safely. Punch the gas Notre Dame, this is no time to be a pansy."  
"Notre Dame over and out."

I hung up the phone and sped up. I noticed that Carlisle was driving the car. I watched in my rear view mirror as Edward seemed to be yelling at him. He was also using dramatic hand motions. I made up the dialogue in my head.

"Speed up grandpa! She is getting away! Oh my god you drive like you came from the time of ancient Rome which you probably did since you're hundreds of years old!"

I laughed at the silly cinematic adventure in my head. I then saw the sign for the grocery store and pulled in as quickly as I could. I umped out of the car and ran inside, bumping into some people who said unkind things to me. I ran through the pasta isle and ran into Rosalie who turned around. I expected her to chew me out big time, but I was rather surprised.

"Bell of Notre Dame, Headquarters has called. Here are the keys to the car. Go through the cereal isle. We will create a distraction and you will be in the clear to get back to base. Wait for my diversion to start before you make your move. Mama Bear will take care of Carlisle. Here comes Edward, now go." She said as we made the switch off for the keys. I walked around the isle and down past the boxes of cereal and I don't know why, but it all looked so damn delicious at this exact moment.

"Rosalie, where the hell is Bella?"  
"Bella?" she said in a snobby tone.

"I saw her at Lowes. She must have gotten out of the house."  
"That was me at Lowes." She said in a very irritated tone.

"You? Why would you go there?" Edward said. I didn't think he was buying it. Rosalie would have to step up her game.

"I had to get some stuff for Emmett. Oh my god you thought I was Bella? Edward, that's such an insult! I don't want to look like her! Is my hair really that bad?" she began to ask in a whining voice.

"What? Was it really you? I could have sworn…"  
"You thought I was her? You think I'm ugly? Oh my gosh you think I'm ugly! I worked so hard on my hair today and I have changed my outfit at least four or five times because I cant decide on one. The last one made me look fat. You think I'm fat like her?"

She was practically screaming now and a lot of heads were turning and looking at them. I watched through the empty cereal slots as Edward tried to redeem himself. Poor unfortunate soul. I laughed and took this as my Que to get the hell out of here. I was walking to the new car when I suddenly saw Carlisle. He was looking straight at me and he was going to say something when I heard a loud clicking sound.

I looked over my shoulder and saw my back up coming to help. Esme strutted out in high heels and tight fitting jeans with a low cut top to compliment her cleavage. She had the wind blowing in her hair perfectly and she was walking right towards Carlisle who had obviously stopped looking at me. Damn, I wish I could walk in heels too!

I ran to the car, unlocked it and got in and sped off towards home. I was there in five minutes flat and then I ran through the front door. Alicegave me a happy look.

"You made it back just in time!"

"Carlisle saw me though and Edward, I don't know if Rosalie pulled it off well enough."

That's when I noticed that Alice was also wearing very flattering clothing. I was very confused as to why everybody looked so…revealing today! Jasper walked in and nearly dropped his book that he was reading.

"Holy Hell Alice…"

"You like what you see?" she said with a smile.  
Jasper could only nodd his head.

"Good. Then you would agree that Bella was here the entire day with me, looking at fashion magazines?"  
"Uh-huh…whatever you say." He said as his eyes wandered down towards her chest. I rolled my eyes while holding back pathetic laughter.

"Good."  
"What about Emmett?" I asked.

That's when the front door opened and a fit of screaming and yelling entered the house.

"I cant believe it! You think I'm hideous! Oh my god you think I'm ugly and that I look like…her!" Rosalie said as she pointed a finger at me.

"No! Its just, I thought…" Edward began.

"That I was ugly! That's what you thought Edward!" she said as she stomped her foot to the floor.

I realized that Emmett wouldn't say anything about me being gone because he thought he had an upset girl which was in his book, was more than enough to deal with. He didn't want to encounter the wrath of Edward too. Jasper was obviously too caught up in Alice to even notice what was going on and as for Carlisle and Esme, well they were also having a grand time kissing. Wow, Vampires were dirty and scandalous. Who knew?

"What happened?" I asked Edward in a really innocent tone.

"I thought that I saw you at Lowes and I was certain that you had gotten out of the house and were spying on us."

"Stalking." I corrected.

Edward gave me a confused look.

"But spying works too." I said, catching my error quickly.

"Whatever you say love. But it happened to be Rosalie. I don't know how I made that mistake…" he said as his voice trailed off.

Rosalie gave me a wink and she tugged on Emmett's hand and dragged him off to a room somewhere. Alice and Jasper had also vanished. Carlisle and Esme had now gone up to their bedroom.

Edward sat down at the kitchen table and inhaled deeply, even though he didnt technically need the air.

"I don't know how I thought she was you. She even smelled like you."  
"Someone obviously missed me!" I said as I wrapped my arms around him.

He gave me his sexy half smile and chuckled while he kissed my cheek.

"I suppose so love. I suppose so."

Mission completed.


	10. Pillow Fighting and Ticklish Death

I had been voted off the island. The perfect little island of Cullen. According to Edward, there was something that the family had to do and I wasn't allowed to be there for any of it. Of course, he wouldn't tell me what it was, no matter how much I begged. So he planned some road trip for me. Whoop-de-do Edward, we got to spend three lovely hours in the car while on our way to Seattle. Edward said that we would probably be there in less time because, "Im Edward Cullen, I can drive like the guys on fast and furious." Blah blah blah.

So we were to be gone for about four days total. I wasn't sure exactly what we would do in Seattle or where we would stay, but I guess that didn't really matter. I had to admit, I was a little bit excited to get out of the house and go on a small adventure. But only a little bit.

Edward came into his room early that morning and shook me awake in a gentle manner.

"Bella, Love, its time to get up. You can sleep in the car if you are still tired." He said as he whispered softly to me and stroked my hair.

"What time is it?" I grumbled in a very unhappy tone.

"Its about five in the morning love."

I groaned and pulled the covers over my head and squeezed my eyes shut.

He pulled the covers down and I looked at him with sleepy eyes. He chuckled and leaned in to kiss my forehead.

"Isabella Swan, you are gorgeous." He said to me with a half smile.

I don't know how he did it exactly, but he got me to blush. It was against the rules to make me blush, I always felt silly because I thought I was being too girly.

"Come on you, lets get going." He said as he picked me up off the bed and started carrying me down the stairs.

"Wait! Cant I shower first?" I asked him.

"You can when we get there."

"But—"

"Shhh, trust me love, just trust me."

I crossed my arms as he carried me out to the car. I assumed that he already had the bags put in the back and he was even kind enough to have a cup of hot chocolate waiting for me in the car. Yeah, okay so at times he was a ridiculously perfect boyfriend but the rest of the time he was an absolute fun killer.

As we started driving out of their driveway, he pushed play on his stereo. A very happy Disney song came on from The Lion King and I instantly smiled.

"I figured you would like to sing a long while driving there." He said.

"I thought these songs were pointless?"

"Well, I love you and that goes hand in hand with childish songs." He said.

I sat there and drank my hot chocolate and burst out singing to the chorus of each song.

Almost two hours and twenty-seven minutes later, we arrived in Seattle. I always loved looking out my window and people watching. It was only seven in the morning and yet the streets were pretty packed with people. The sky was cloudy and grey but it wasn't raining at all. Edward pulled up to two large circular towers. The sign above the door said the Westin. It looked like a pretty nice hotel to be staying in for the four days that we were here. We walked inside the lobby which was way to elegant for a girl in her sweats and crew neck sweater with messy bed head. I scowled at Edward who only held onto my hand as if he was proud of showing me off the public eye. We walked up to the front desk and a very tall man greeted us.

"How may I help you today?"  
"I made a reservation for the next few nights under the name of Edward Cullen. Im here to get my room key and check in." Edward said in a smooth voice.

"Of course Mr. Cullen."

He pulled out an envelope with our Edwards name on it and handed it to us.

"You two enjoy your stay. Give the front desk a call if you need anything."

"Thank you for your assistance." Edward said giving a small nod.

Within a few minutes we were in the elevator heading up to our room. Edward stood by my side and I could tell he was staring at me. I looked straight ahead at the elevator doors. There was a jazzy song playing over the speakers and I decided in that moment that there was nothing worse than elevator music. I could still feel Edwards eyes locked onto me.

"What? I know I look absolutely beautiful right now, you don't have to stare the entire time." I said in a sarcastic voice.

He just turned my head slowly towards him and deeply gazed into my eyes.

"Isabella Swan, you are perfectly aware of how gorgeous I think you are. There is no need for sarcasm."

And with that he gave me a light lingering kiss on my lips. Yeah, he earned another point in the perfect boyfriend category.

We got to our room which was on one of the top floors and when we opened the door there were two large beds in the middle of the room and glass windows overlooking part of the downtown. Edward went to look at the view but I had a much better idea. I dropped the bags and immediately started jumping back and fourth between the two beds giggling like a psychotic hyena. Instantly, the beds were messed up, half the pillows were on the floor, and it looked like a hurricane had hit. Edward looked at me with a wide eyed expression. You would think that by now, he would be use to this kind of behavior but he always still seemed to find it somewhat of a shock.

"Bella! My goodness, what are you doing?" he said as he walked over to me. I grabbed a pillow and hit him right in the face with it. I was surprised that he wasn't able to stop it with his quick reflex. His wide eyed expression suddenly changed to a look of astonishment. And then, he gave me a grin.

I should have seen it coming after I saw that face. Edward rarely smiled at me, he was always so serious. But of course, I even if I had realized what he would have done I wouldn't have been able to react quick enough. Edward picked up a pillow off the floor and began beating me with it. I had never in a million years guessed that my perfect poised and old-fashioned boyfriend would be participating in a pillow fight. He didn't hit too hard, but some of them stung a little with the force he put behind it. There were feathers flying everywhere and we were both laughing.

I jumped from one bed to the other and in mid air, he caught me.

"Bella, are you ticklish?" He asked with a large wide smile.

"No! Nooo! Im not!" I said out of breath and in between the laughter.

"Really now?"

His hand was reaching for my side and I knew that with his grip and strength, I wasn't going anywhere. How unfair, how cruel.

"Tickling is in the head! Mind over matter! It doesn't exist! No! NO! EDWARD NO!"

But it was too late. I had erupted into a fit of laughter and my cheeks hurt and tears rolled down my face. I wanted to squirm and kick but I couldn't with him holding onto me! Finally, he let me go and I crawled away from him, still laughing uncontrollably.

"Freedom…" I gasped

He grabbed my leg and gently pulled me backwards so I was in his arms again.

"You've done enough damage. Edward, my ribs are going to break!"

He smiled and gave a little laugh and lightly cupped my cheek in his hand and kissed my forehead.

"I love you." He said to me in a soothing voice.  
"I hate you. So do my ribs." I said giving him my best glare.  
"You're too cute when you try to give me an angry look." He said.

He stood up and placed me on the bed.

"Oh my god, this room is a mess!" I said as I looked all around. There were feathers absolutely everywhere, the lamp was knocked off the bedside table, our bags were abandoned by the door, and the covers were halfway off the bed.

"Don't you worry about the room. I want you to go take a shower. We have some sightseeing to do."

My face light up, "A field trip? Where to?"

"Go get ready and I will tell you." He said as he nudged me towards the bathroom.

"Are you going to clean up the room?" I asked.

"Of course! We cant sleep in all of this later! Besides, I've gone back to being responsible Edward." He said winking at me.

"Awww…responsible Edward sucks." I said giving him the best pouting face that I could make.

"Isabella Swan! Go take your shower!" He said in a teasingly serious voice.

"Fine" I said sticking out my tongue. I picked up my clothes and my bag of girl crap and headed into the bathroom.

"Wait! Come here for a second, and bring that bag." He said.

I rolled my eyes and walked over to him.

"Yes all mighty sorcerer of ultimate awesomeness?"

He took my bag and opened it and began looking through it. I had no idea what he was looking for.

"Uh…what is this?" he said holding up a wrapped thin cylinder piece of paper.

"Its called a tampon…"

"Is that for what I think its for?"  
"Bleeding out of a woman's lower region? Why yes, yes it is."

He made a face and put it back in the bag and continue looking through it. I crossed my arms, growing slightly impatient.

"Ahh, here it is." He said as he pulled something out.

"No! Edward, that's my razor!"

"I am aware of what this is silly." He said as he zipped my bag back up and handed it to me.

"I need to shave my legs though!"  
"Remember, im responsible fun killing Edward again. And you're too clumsy. No razors."

Screw you Edward Cullen, you'll pay. Believe me, when we crawl into bed to sleep and you feel something similar to werewolf fur, you'll rue to day you didn't let Bella Swan shave.

**A/N: So I know this chapter wasn't as silly and as random as my past ones but I promise, this little trip they are on will be quite wonderful. Juuust stick with it! **


	11. Ready, Set, Go!

I was all dressed, a little nicer looking than this morning. I decided to dress warm since the sky looked like it may cry. I was wearing a dark blue peacoat that Edward had packed for me, a grey scarf, black rain boots and my favorite pair of jeans. I walked out of the bathroom to find my boyfriend looking rather snazzy—I also decided that snazzy was my favorite word of the day. Edward was wearing a black coat and dark jeans, his hair was wild as usual but I always thought it looked kind of sexy that way.

"Are you ready love?" He asked as he kissed the top of my head.  
"Where are we going?" I asked as I looked up at him with big eyes.

"You smell wonderful." He said not answering my question.

"Thanks but…where are we adventuring to?"  
"Bella, you are always so curious. Come on love, lets start walking." He said as he took my hand. I rolled my eyes when I realized he wasn't gonna answer my question.

Outside, the streets were busy with people. I looked to Edward wondering if he was having an issue with being around everyone. There was an old hobo on the street corner begging for money. As we walked by him I gave him a frown, I always felt bad for some of the people out there.

"Edward?"  
"Yes love?"  
"Are hobos like fast food to Vampires?" I asked, being completely serious.

"Excuse me?" He said in a confused voice.

"Well, fast food isn't good for humans but if they are really desperate they will eat it. It doesn't taste the best, but it fills you up. Are hobos the same way?"  
"What on earth—"

"Hobos smell funny, actually they smell awful so I assume they taste awful, but they fill you up. Are hobos like fast food?"

He rolled his eyes, I took that as a yes. He kept a tight hold on my hand as we walked through the streets. We had been walking for about twenty minutes or so when we reached our destination.

"Here it is." He said looking at me with a smile.

Pikes Street Market. I had heard that it was a cool place to visit although I had never taken the time to do so. The market was packed with people and there were street performers singing and playing instruments for money. The smell of fish and flowers was overwhelming to me and I thought how lucky Edward was that he could hold his breath.

"How long are we going to stay here for?" I asked excitedly.

"As long as you would like." He said as he kissed me.

I started walking into the crowd when Edward reached for my hand and gently tugged me back to him.

"My only condition—"

"Uggggggh!" I groaned, interrupting him.

"You have to hold onto my hand."

"But Edward!"  
"Its not that difficult, love."

"Why cant you just walk beside me?"

"Because I don't want you getting lost in this massive crowd of people. You have an awful sense of directions and if you got lost in this crowd I know that you would wander off and not try to find me." He said with a smirk.  
"Psh, that's total bull cra—okay you're right I would do that." I agreed, nodding my head.

Fine, if I had to hold onto his hand like a five year old child, I would tug and pull on him and drag him behind me like a five year old child. The plan was to be annoying so I wouldn't have to hold onto him anymore. I began dragging him through the stalls, looking at all the knit hats and jewelry they had. I even pretended to take an interest in some stupid wood carving table.

We came upon one stall that was selling a flute like instrument from some video game. I picked one up and started playing it. The man who was selling the instruments looked at me and laughed.

"These are state of the art, made just like the real thing in the game. Its sixty dollars for one, if you like it we can maybe work out a deal where I knock off a few bucks." He said.

I blew into it as hard as I could, and I was awful at playing. The man picked one up and began showing me how to play it properly, he made it sound so smooth. The way I was playing it sounded like an elementary student playing a recorder and that was absolutely what I wanted.

"Edward, I think I need to buy this. Its perfect. I can play it the entire way home in the car!" I said blowing into it more. I caught the expression on the shop owners face when I played, it looked like he just listened to nails on a chalkboard.

"Oh yes love, that's a very good thought. We can always come back at the end of our shopping. We are just getting started." Edward said in the nicest voice he could.

Ooooh no, he was not going to win this one. I was going to buy this and drive him insane with it.

"But Edward, I think I have found my calling! I am meant to be a performer on the streets like the people down here!" I said in the most overdramatic way that I could.

"Bella, I can think of better jobs for you than a street performer."  
"Are you saying that I don't have what it takes to be a rock star?" I said, giving him my best pouting face that I could.

"You can be a rock star, but they don't play on the streets. And they play guitars, not clay flutes."  
"Ocarina" the shop keeper interrupted.

"Right…besides it is made of some sort of clay. You're a little clumsy sometimes, I would hate to see you drop it and break it." Edward stated. He was desperately trying to win this.

"Actually, these are made of special clay. They cant break, its as solid as a rock." The shop keeper said as he slammed the instrument into the table as hard as he could.

"Im sure she would find a way to break it." Edward grumbled giving the man a cold stare.

"Or you would crush it with your stupid strength." I muttered under my breath.

Edward grabbed my hand and firmly tugged me away.

"Thanks but no thanks." Edward said as he began walking.

"Keep one on hold" I mouthed to the man who nodded his head with a confused look.

He kept a tight grip on me and I could tell that this wouldn't be a very fun field trip if I was being restricted to what I could do. I had to get rid of him and fast.

I pretended to be interested in some earrings at a stand, I whispered in my fun killer boyfriends ear, asking him to maybe lower the price and haggle a little with the old woman behind the table. Edward took the puppy dog begging eyes and began to barter. That was my queue. I wasn't going to wander far, I would try to stay in his sight, but I wouldn't be in his arms reach.

I was about to make it around the corner when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up to see a very unhappy boyfriend. His stare was intense, and his eyes alone were scolding me, not to mention the frown upon his cold stone face. Damnit.

"And where were you trying to escape to?"

"I was just looking around Edward." I attempted to say in the most innocent voice.

"Lose the act love, you know the conditions and terms I had."

I groaned.

"Fine."

He pointed over to a stall where a man was selling backpacks for kids. They were in the shapes of dogs and monkeys and attached to the backpack was a leash. It was a child leash.

"See that?"  
"NO!"  
"Oh yes, I will if you don't start behaving."

I glared at him.

"You're bluffing."

"Try me." He said with a smirk spread across his entire face. He was serious.

At this point, I actually wanted to get lost. Make him pay for all the hovering that he was doing. And besides, I had to live a little now. As soon as I got back to Forks, I would be on house arrest again with the entire Cullen family taking shifts to watch my every move.

I rolled my eyes and unhappily took him by the hand. I pulled him through the market place until we reached a crowd of people gathered around a fish station. The people were throwing fish back and fourth, yelling things at each other and the crowd of people were watching intensely.

I pulled Edward to the front to witness the spectacular event. I grinned as they tossed a big silver fish to one another. Just then, one of the men made a bad throw and somehow, it made its way towards Edward. But with his quick Vampire skills and all that jazz, he ducked before it could hit him and it ended up nailing the woman behind him. She fell, and pretty hard. The crowd gasped and Edward bent down to make sure she was alright.

For those few split seconds, his attention was not on me.

Oh my god, I realized it was now or never. I had to fly away, it was time to break free. My heart was beating and the adrenaline pumped through my body. I did a "Ready set go" count in my head and then dashed off thanking the luck giving gods. Before I ran out of the market, I slid my hands along the slimy scales of a fish and wiped it on my neck, hoping to cover my smell.

Finally, adventure time! Step one, to go buy that annoying flute. I was sprinting through the market now, shoving people to the side. I made it to the stall where the old man sat. His eyes widened when he saw me.

"So I see you came back?"

"I need one. Now. I don't have much time. You have thirty seconds to give me one."  
"Trying to buy it before the boyfriend finds out?" he asked, smiling as he picked up the instrument.

"No time for talk, hurry up."  
"Its sixty dollars."  
"Can we do fifty-five?"  
"You're also rushing me. Now its sixty-five." He stated, crossing his arms.

"Look, I came back just like I said I would. Now give me my damn flute."

"Sixty-five."  
"Fine, sixty-five. But only if you throw in the tiny one that hangs around my neck."  
He gave me an astonished look.

"These? Are you crazy lady?"  
"Deal or no deal?" I said. I felt like Howie Mandel on that stupid reality show he did.

"These are state of the art." He said, frowning at me.

"Look buddy, I have been deprived for the past few weeks because my boyfriend is an overprotective know it all. So give me the god damn flutes and you can live with the satisfaction that I am driving someone absolutely insane. Besides, I need a backup incase he takes away the big one."

He hesitated and I looked around for Edward, he most certainly noticed my absence.

"Fine." He sighed, as he took my money.

I took my flutes and bolted out of the market place and up the hill towards downtown Seattle. Operation Delta Strawberry Tango was now in effect

**A/N: If you happened to understand that the instrument that im referring to is the ocarina from the video game series Zelda, believe me when I say that im not hating on the video game. I actually enjoy playing, so no I am not a Zelda hater. For those of you who don't know what Zelda is, you're missing out. And I actually bought the ocarina for someone's Christmas present so yes, there really happens to be a stall that sells them in Pikes Street Market. Go see for yourself! Anyways, thanks for sticking with this chapter. Im hoping to involve hobos in the next one. :D**


	12. Hide and Seek

Right, left, right left. I kept repeating that to myself as I ran up the hill. I know it was silly to be telling myself how to run, but don't judge. Running away from a Vampire while on pure adrenaline and excitement was difficult because I felt like I might fall flat on my face. I didn't exactly know where I was going, which was a bit of a problem. I looked over my shoulder to see if he was chasing after me, but Edward wasn't in sight. Excellent, my plan was turning out perfect.

And then, as I turned around my eyes widened in horror. Sitting on the pavement against the wall of a building, there was a hobo and I was on a collision course with him. I didn't have the grace and coordination to stop in my tracks. Crap.

I tripped over his legs and of course, with the speed that I was going, I knocked him over and there was a loud "What the hell?"

I went flying through the air and I skidded on the pavement. My hands were burning, and I felt a hole rip in my jeans. This was bad news, I knew that I was bleeding and with blood, Edward would be able to hunt me down in a matter of minutes.

I sat up, examining the damage. Both my hands were scraped with a little blood. My knee was definitely the worst, there was a red stain on the denim and there was even a little bit on the pavement.

"Hey! Yer nade ter watch wha you're 'eadin'!" The man I had knocked over shouted as he stood up and walked towards me. He had sounded like he had an Irish accent.

"I am so sorry." I managed to say.

"Sorry? Yer jist came at me eighty miles per 'our!" He said in a harsh voice.

"Look I said I was sorry! I didn't see you sitting there." I said, getting off the ground.

"Didn't see me? Ah that's convenient. That's waaat everyone seems ter say. Many people jist walk on by, ignorin' me loike oi'm invisable cos they're jist so much better than me." He said harshly.

He looked like he was older, maybe about fifty to sixty years of age. He had a scraggly grey beard and wispy grey hair covered by a bright orange wool hat. He was missing a few yellow teeth and didn't smell the greatest.

"Im really sorry. Are you alright?" I asked him as kindly as I could.

"Ehh don't mind me. Luk at yer! A mess loike me." He said in a raspy voice.

I shrugged my shoulders.

"Here, oi got sum band-aids in me backpack." He informed me as he pulled out a small blue bag with holes in it. He pulled out a few large bandages and handed them to me.

"Oh no, its okay." I said shaking my head.

"Don't be dense. Take dem. Why ye in a 'urry in de first place?" He asked as he shoved the band-aids in my face.

He was surprisingly friendly for somebody that had just been bulldozed by a teenager. I began to place the neon blue band-aids on my battle wounds with the ground. Edward would have a fit when he found me.

"Im playing an intense game of hide and seek." I said as I looked around the area for Edward. My heart was fluttering and the man seemed to notice my nervous behavior.

"Hide an' seek? Ye lyin' ter me miss?"He asked as he put a hand on his hip.

"Lying? No not at all. Im being dead serious, its an intense game of hide and seek."

"Well whats de seeker luk loike? Cum on, time is av de essence, we don't 'av al' day. We got ter move queck if yer don't want ter be foun'."

My jaw dropped a little bit. Was he seriously going to help me?

"Hes…uh…" I was stuttering, I didn't know what to say.

"Spit it oyt already!" He demanded.

"He is a little bit taller than me, he has the wildest hair ever, and topaz eyes. He is very pale. But he is stunning looking." I told him, trying to describe Edward the best I could.

"Does yer man luk loike wan av dohs models? Wat do yer call dem? Abzombie models?"

I gave him a puzzled look and then it clicked, he was trying to say Abercrombie. He wanted to know if my boyfriend looked like one of the Abercrombie and Fitch models. I couldn't help but laugh when I pictured Edward standing in that god awful store with his shirt off, posing in the dim lighting. I should enroll him as a joke.

"Something like that, but more pale."

"Roi, lets go. We don't 'av time ter waste. An' whats yer name?" he asked in a curious manner.

"Bella Swan." I said sticking my hand out to shake his. I giggled furiously on the inside. If Edward saw me shaking hands with some complete stranger on the street, he would have a heart attack if his heart was actually still beating.

"Me name is Kiernan. Kiernan Callahan. It's nice ter meet yer bella."

We began speed walking, and I was following him because Edward had been right, my sense of direction sucked.

We came upon this tall glass building that looked really weird. It was morphed into a bizarre shape and it looked like a museum of modern art or something like that.

"What is this?" I asked as I looked at Kiernan.

"De Seattle library!" He said as he ran inside. I followed behind him.

There was another door at the far end of where we stood. We ran across the huge ground floor, accidentally bumping into people. I kept my fingers crossed that Edward would find my scent, and would go into the library thinking I was still inside, not knowing that I had really run out the other door.

To throw him off even more, I grabbed a book off a shelf and opened the pages and began rubbing them all over me. Kiernan gave me an odd look as he froze in the center of the room. Other people raised their eyebrows at me and I could feel my cheeks turn red but I didn't care, I was on a mission. I noticed a few librarians walking towards me and I knew that they were going to give me a lecture on proper book care. I had to think fast.

"Spatula!" I screamed as I pointed towards one of the walls. Everyone who wasn't already looking at me was now staring at me, and those who had been watching me from the beginning looked to where I was pointing. Such gullible people.

I threw the book in the opposite direction that I was pointing hoping that it might throw Edward off even more and then I took off running towards the exit where Kiernan was waiting.

We were running down fourth street now, I was ignoring the extreme side ache that I was experiencing. But after five or six blocks of sprinting, we had to take a breather. We had come upon Westlake Mall. There were so many people crowding the streets and so much noise. We had been resting for a matter of about three minutes when all of the sudden Kiernan tapped my shoulder.

"Bella, is dat de seeker?" he asked in-between panting. He pointed to the other side of the street.

No no no no! It was Edward, walking gracefully towards us. I thought for sure he had spotted me, and my life would be over. Kiernan would probably be murdered because Edward would assume that I had been kidnapped.

To my surprise, Edward suddenly stopped and turned around. He looked like he was smelling the air. He was looking left to right and behind him.

And I realized, he didn't see me.

We had a few seconds to act. I grabbed Kiernan by the arm and pulled him into a store. The bell rang as we opened the door and we were instantly looked at with weird expressions.

"Um, hello. Can we help you two today?" a blonde woman asked. She seemed snotty and stuck up.

"Oh, um…we're just looking around." I said calmly.

"That's lovely. If you need any help, just ask us." She said giving me an odd look. Her eyes then flashed to Kiernan.

"Of course." I responded slowly.

I looked out the window, Edward was still standing across the street and I could tell that his eyes were searching the crowd of people outside the mall.

To avoid being seen through the window, I pulled Kiernan into a row full of clothing. Kiernan gave me a terrified look and began stuttering.

"Uh...Miss Swan...im a bit uncomfortable in de bra secshun"

"I beg your pardon?" I asked.

Kiernan took a bright red bra off the rack and held it to his chest.

"Dis wan isn't me color." He said laughing a bit.

I couldn't help but laugh as well. What store were we in?

A brunette woman with a large belly walked up to me.

"Oh! Is that the new nursing bra collection?" She politely asked.

"The what?" I stammered.

"Is that one of the bras from the new nursing collection?" She repeated.

My eyes widened and my mouth fell open into an 'o' shaped expression.

"When are you due?" She asked, her face was glowing. She put her hand to my stomach and smiled.

"Due?" I said, what the hell was she talking about!

"Im due in a few months. I cant wait! Oh goodness its so exciting becoming a new mother."

New mom? Nursing bra? Oh my god…

I looked at the sign above the counter where you would pay for your items. It read: Thank You for Shopping at Motherhood Maternity.

No way, this was absolutely awful.

"So is this the proud father to be?" She asked in a smiley tone.

She looked like she was going to be one hell of a mom. She had her hair perfectly curled, a floral pattern maternity dress with a cardigan and some flats, she wasn't showing much skin at all. She even had dimples when she smiled. She looked plastic—too perfect. She was going to be the kind of mom who wouldn't give her child candy, or the kind that would call an ambulance if her child fell on the playground. The poor kid.

"No." I said right away.

"Yes!" Kiernan exclaimed at the same time I responded.

The eyes of the woman widened suddenly. Perfect, now I looked like some confused teenager who was knocked up and unsure who the baby daddy was.

"Oh, I see…well I didn't mean to pry." She said as her smile vanished.

I held back a laugh when she said she never meant to pry for that was all she had been doing since she walked up to me.

Just then, I saw Edward cross the street and he began walking towards the mall plaza. Crap, we had to move.

"Im excited to be a father. 'ill buy me fella a pony for 'is first birthday. Maybe a tractor for 'is second." Kiernan said to the woman. She nodded her head, her face still highly concerned looking.

"A—a tractor?" she asked.

"Definitely a gun for 'is sixth. Me boy needs ter learn 'ow ter provide for 'is mom an' da. Me boy 'ill be shootin' rabbits an' makin' stew for us."

The woman gave another horrified expression and quickly walked away from us. Kiernan began laughing hysterically. He then stopped when he noticed Edward, who had paused in the middle of the plaza. He was looking around at everyone.

"'e's a 'andsum lad, that man is."

"Oh yes he is handsome, but he wont be happy that its taken him this long to find me." I told him as my eyes darted nervously to Kiernan and back to Edward.

It was too late to run, Edward was now walking towards the store entrance. I ducked under one of the clothing racks and hid. Kiernan frantically ran to a different section of the store and he began looking at baby strollers.

The bell rang and Edward walked in.

"Hello, welcome to Motherhood Maternity…" one of the sales ladies said.

"Thank you." Edward said. His velvet voice was not very happy sounding.

"Can we he—"

"No." Edward said as he cut her off.

The woman gave a frustrated sigh and walked to a different part of the store.

Edward walked over to where I was hiding. He tapped his foot and I could tell he was waiting for me to come out. But that wasn't happening. I covered my eyes as he leaned down and pulled back the clothes.

"Bella." He said in a strict voice.

"I CANT SEE YOU, YOU CANT SEE ME!" I screamed.

He reached for my hands and pulled them away from my face.

His eyes were burning with rage. I was definitely in trouble.  
"Oh, you found me." I said in a disappointed tone.

"And it wasn't easy." He said in a non-amused tone.

"Really?" I exclaimed. I was excited that finding me wasn't exactly a cake walk.

"Bella…" He said in an annoyed tone.

"You have to admit, it was a fun twist to our day!"  
"Bella."

"If you want, it can be your turn to hide now!"  
"BELLA!" He shouted.

"Okay, keep your pants on!" I said as I crawled out from under the clothing rack. The sales lady looked at me and Edward.

"Yeah! Keep yer drawers on!" Kiernan yelled from the other side of the store.

Edward gave me a 'im-gonna-tickle-you-until-you-pee-your-pants' look.

He took me by the arm and walked me out of the store and we went around of the corner of the shop. Kiernan followed us out.

"Bella, what the Hell were you thinking?" Edward demanded.

"I told you, it was a twist to our day. I thought a game of hide and seek would be fun…" I said.

Of course, I was half lying. But only half. I had originally wanted to get away from his insanity but it really turned out to be a lot of fun.

"Bella, you could have been seriously hurt."

I gave a slight smirk when I looked down at my knee and my hands.

"I take that back, you are already hurt." He sighed.

"Kiernan was nice enough to give me band-aids. And look Edward, they're colorful!" I said showing him the neon blue bandage.

Edward looked to Kiernan who gave a small wave.

"And you are?" Edward spat.

"Well ain't yer charmin'? Me name is Kiernan. Kiernan Callahan. Pleasure ter meet yer" He said sticking out his hand to shake Edwards.

I watched Edward carefully. He hesitated for a few moments and then shook Kiernan's.

"I suppose I will thank you for watching after my Bella." Edward said with a small smile.

"She's a rayle beauty lad. Keep a 'old av 'er." Kiernan said to Edward.

There was a large smile that flashed across Edwards face.

"Believe me, I don't intend of letting go of her." He said as he looked at me.

He was just laughing on the inside. Okay so maybe he won this time, but at least I got an hour or so of freedom and fun.

"It wus a pleasure meetin' yer Miss Swan. Make sure yer watch wha yere running. Dis game wus fun." Kiernan said as he gave me a missing toothed smile.

"Nice meeting you too Kiernan." I said as I nodded with a soft smile.

As Edward and I walked away, he kissed the top of my forehead.

"Are you angry?" I asked quietly.

"Im furious." He said. I couldn't tell if he was kidding or not.

I looked at his face for a hint. He wore a slight smile. I decided he was half kidding.

"How did you manage to get hurt?" He asked me.

"I tripped over Kiernan when I was running away from the market and totally fell."

"We will go back to the hotel and get the cuts cleaned up so they don't get infected." He said to me.

"Was it really hard to find me?" I asked.

"The book in the library was a nice touch. So was the fishy smell. You should probably go home and shower again though. I like a clean Bella." He said with a chuckle.

"Hey Edward guess what!" I said with a devious smile.

"What love?" he asked.

I pulled the flute from the market place out of my pocket and blew hard on it. Edward covered his ears and looked at me.

"You've got to be kidding me…" he said with a frown.

"Don't you just love me?" I asked as sweetly as I could.

"Love you to death." He said as he kissed the top of my forehead.

I smiled happily.

"We are going to go back to the room and you are going to hang out at the hotel and then you will sleep. Of course, I will be watching you like a hawk. We have a busy day tomorrow."  
"More surprises?" I asked.

"As always." Edward said.

Wonderful, absolutely wonderful.

**A/N: So I realize that Irish accents probably don't sound the way that I typed them…but if you read the chapter where Emmett is a pirate, you learned that I found an online translator and had way too much fun with it. Same thing in this situation. If any of you happen to be Irish or have an accent, number one, im totally jealous and two, im sorry if I accidentally offended you. Thank you for reading and please review!**


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